Bubba’s Tax Time

            April is tax time in the United States and, like all good citizens, Bubba wants to pay his share.

            This year, I received a mysterious letter in the mail.  It was from my publisher telling me how much money I made last year on my biographical novel.  It made the NY Times Bestseller list, right up there at number 8,347,615!!  I didn’t know I would have to pay taxes on my massive income, but here was the paper proclaiming gigantic royalties.


            I went down to the Government Building and picked up the tax forms.  How hard could this be?  After all, the forms have names like “E Z” and “Quickfinder”.  Can’t be too bad.  When I took a look, I was a little intimidated by the numbers.

            I started looking for deductions.  If I write, I can deduct work things.  I need pencils, paper, what else?  To read, I have to write, so I think I can deduct all the books and newspapers I read.  Reading glasses?  I don’t use them, but I might, so I should count that.  Food?  If I don’t eat, I can’t work, so food must be essential to my work.  I have to have a place to put the pencils and paper, so a desk would be appropriate…and a house to put the desk in. 

            I gathered up all the receipts I could find or make up and set off.

            I met with Ben and explained my tax strategy.  He didn’t seem too impressed.  In fact, his response to each of my deductions was, “You can’t use that…You can’t use that either…Nope not that.”  He wanted to take a picture to attach to my tax return to show who was responsible.

Or, as he put it, “Who goes to jail.”  He convinced me I had to do things the legal way.  Well, he threw me out the window and wouldn’t let me back in unless I promised to be legal.

He started out with his calculator and added up the numbers.  I guess I was a little behind in paying because the numbers kept going up and up.  I felt like I was being buried.    

            After many hours of math, Ben came up with a total of how many dollars I would be able to keep this year.

            The papers were drawn up, and I paid Nadine for their time and expertise.

She had me sign on the dotted line. 

            All done for the year.  I think I will take my leftover fortune and plan out a new trip.  Maybe I should try to find a nice cabana on the Caribbean.