Bubba Lands In Havana

            Bubba unwisely answered an Internet spam e-mail and booked a vacation in a beach cabana in the Caribbean.  What he ended up with is something completely different.

            Before I left on my vacation I had to fill out a lot of paperwork and get a bunch of shots and stuff.  Now I understand why I had to get this piece of paper.  I guess I’m really going to Cuba, a country where travel by U.S. citizens was prohibited until recently.  I will be part of a cultural exchange.  I will see Cuban schools, churches, and other cultural sites and in return they get…ME!

            The plane made a slow decent over the Cuban countryside and landed at a wonderfully modern airport.  As we taxied down the runway, I saw a new modern air terminal off in the distance.  We weren’t going there.  We ended up walking here.

            Entering any country, including our own, can be intimidating.  Cuba was not too bad but had a twist.  We lined up in rows and one at a time went into a narrow corridor with a closed door at the end.  An Immigration official took our documents, took our picture and buzzed open the door.  Past the door was a large room with the same airport screening devices I went through to get on the plane.  Keeping my shoes (they don’t come off anyway) I loaded my hand carried stuff onto the X-ray conveyor belt and crossed through the metal detector.  I then entered the main area where we all had a medical screening by a person in a white lab coat.  Well, that person collected a medical form as you walked past.  That makes it something like a medical screening.  Exiting the building I was confronted by a huge crowd of people waiting the arrival of their relatives and all the goodies they brought.  A nice lady with a clipboard (a sure sign of authority) gave me a “Group B” tag and the number of the bus I was to board.  I went out into the parking lot to look for the bus. It must have been the long term lot because the cars look like they have been there awhile.

           We were greeted by a nice poster of this man.  He must be like a TV star or something.  We saw his face all over and with an uplifting message attached.  I like the hat and beard look.

 

            We started our trip with lunch, and we started our lunch with a Mojito.  I’m going to like this place.  After a couple of these, I made a slide from a fork and …

            Stepping outside of the restaurant we got our first good, non moving, look at Havana.  It has some wonderful old buildings and, in this location, a park running down the center of the street.  My first impression of Havana is very positive.   The people are friendly, the buildings are wonderful even if they are in need of a little paint, and the rum can’t be beat.  Let’s see what tomorrow may bring.

 

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Bubba Seeks a New Trip

            We paused on our Route 66 trip in Albuquerque, New Mexico so Bubba could get home to prepare his tax return.  He called us to say he was getting back so much cash, he wanted to take a vacation from our vacation.  His desire is to go to a cabana in the Caribbean.   He will tell you the rest of the story himself.

            Since this trip involves a plane and some distance, I enlisted the help of some guy on the Internet whose name I’ve forgotten already.  I told him what I wanted and he said he would take care of everything.  All I had to do was give him my bank information and send money to him in Nigeria and he would take care of everything.  I was a little hesitant, but he said I could trust him so it must be okay, right?   I’m sure he won’t lead me astray. 

     I checked with my doctor and he said I need to take some precautions before I traveled.  He sent me to see a nice nurse.  I wasn’t sure what she was doing with that pointy thing but she seemed glad to see me.

            I found out what she had in mind.

            The next stop was the pharmacy to pick up some pills he recommended.  I’m not sure if my plastic system works this way but I don’t want to take a chance.

            I showed up at the airport and the lovely gate agents helped point the way to the Miami flight where I would take another flight to my cabana.  They called it the cabana flight…I think.

 

            I wasn’t quite sure where my next flight would take me so I checked out a map.  There were a lot of places I could go from there.

 

            On the flight I met the famous Joseph Chase.  He is the hair stylist to the stars; well known for his Brazilian Blowouts.  I asked him if he could do anything with my sparse hair.  He said he would give it a shot.

            He brushed and brushed and …that guy really can perform miracles!

            When we landed, I was directed to another gate.  Next stop would be my easy going dream vacation on the beach.  Did they spell cabana wrong?

 

Bubba’s Tax Time

            April is tax time in the United States and, like all good citizens, Bubba wants to pay his share.

            This year, I received a mysterious letter in the mail.  It was from my publisher telling me how much money I made last year on my biographical novel.  It made the NY Times Bestseller list, right up there at number 8,347,615!!  I didn’t know I would have to pay taxes on my massive income, but here was the paper proclaiming gigantic royalties.

 

            I went down to the Government Building and picked up the tax forms.  How hard could this be?  After all, the forms have names like “E Z” and “Quickfinder”.  Can’t be too bad.  When I took a look, I was a little intimidated by the numbers.

            I started looking for deductions.  If I write, I can deduct work things.  I need pencils, paper, what else?  To read, I have to write, so I think I can deduct all the books and newspapers I read.  Reading glasses?  I don’t use them, but I might, so I should count that.  Food?  If I don’t eat, I can’t work, so food must be essential to my work.  I have to have a place to put the pencils and paper, so a desk would be appropriate…and a house to put the desk in. 

            I gathered up all the receipts I could find or make up and set off.

            I met with Ben and explained my tax strategy.  He didn’t seem too impressed.  In fact, his response to each of my deductions was, “You can’t use that…You can’t use that either…Nope not that.”  He wanted to take a picture to attach to my tax return to show who was responsible.

Or, as he put it, “Who goes to jail.”  He convinced me I had to do things the legal way.  Well, he threw me out the window and wouldn’t let me back in unless I promised to be legal.

He started out with his calculator and added up the numbers.  I guess I was a little behind in paying because the numbers kept going up and up.  I felt like I was being buried.    

            After many hours of math, Ben came up with a total of how many dollars I would be able to keep this year.

            The papers were drawn up, and I paid Nadine for their time and expertise.

She had me sign on the dotted line. 

            All done for the year.  I think I will take my leftover fortune and plan out a new trip.  Maybe I should try to find a nice cabana on the Caribbean.